I was always small for my age, picked on and rejected. I was also sexually abused, and finally, when I was publicly humiliated in third grade, I vowed in my heart, "I will raise myself up and control my life and everyone around me." My wife was raised in a home where her father was angry and controlling. She learned early in life, that she would have to fight hard to get what she desired. When we married, we both imagined that our spouse would fulfill our desires and meet all of our needs.
Since the beginning of our marriage, my wife has expressed that she has never felt loved, valued or respected. I resented her feelings, as I simply could not understand what she was complaining about. I now realize in brokenness, that I believed she was fortunate to have me as her husband (the great guy that I believed myself to be), since I was the only guy who would "put up" with her.
Sadly, she was right about my not really loving, valuing and respecting her. I have acknowledged and renounced my tremendous arrogance, forgiven my abusers and have asked her for forgiveness (which she has graciously given). She has been healed of a broken, sealed off heart she has known since childhood. Our hearts are finally open, so we can freely give and receive from each other.
My wife is now feeling really loved, valued and respected by me from a pure and complete heart. I am continuing to realize that my list of grievances about her was really just the consequence of my attitudes and thoughts towards her. I was reaping what I was sowing.
In short, I feel that I am "transformed" in Christ, and for the first time in my life, I "feel" loved by God; I love Him and my wife from my heart and I am so very blessed to be loved by her. I am in awe that in spite of all the pain I have inflicted upon her, she is in love with me and is giving me another chance! It is incredible to see the beautiful changes in her as she feels loved by me! The "oneness" that we both longed for is happening as I walk in brokenness!
I also want to thank you again for your ministry to us. I realize that the true work was done by Christ, but He used your unique gifts, talents and abilities to accomplish His work in our lives. I am forever grateful that you gave up business opportunities to be available to be used by God in such a unique way.