I was not aware of all my husband had gone through as a little boy. My heart broke, when in counseling, he was asked to share his life's story, and I found out that he had always been rejected by family and friends; however, the deepest pain he carried was that his father dominated him and made him feel like a total failure. He could never meet his dad's expectations, and often, he would just give up; he would quit trying.
As a "take charge" kid, I ran my neighborhood. I always believed that was just the normal way of life. As a little girl, I had felt misunderstood, abandoned, and alone. I had vowed, "I have to take care of myself, since nobody else will." That caused me to have a mindset and an attitude of pride and anger, which was my source of control over everyone around me, which later included my husband and children. If I ever felt abandoned or alone, I would take control and dominate which put people down and made them feel rejected, or I would get frustrated (which is anger stemming from bitterness deep inside), raise my voice and temper, and cause everyone around me to feel like a failure. I had built walls out of my bitterness and pride, which always separated my husband and me from ever really being close. His walls from rejection and failure were protection for him. Our hearts felt hopeless, and we were ready to call it quits and just live "alone" together. But now, praise Jesus, through prayer and counsel, He has destroyed the walls in our lives and has healed our hearts. Now we understand why it's called Transforming Hearts Ministries; we've truly been transformed from the inside out.
The Lord Jesus has healed my heart from abandonment and has torn down the walls of bitterness and anger that I had built up toward my husband. He has revealed to me the stronghold of pride that caused me to communicate rejection and failure to him. Jesus has opened my eyes to the truth of my husband's hurt and pain. I now understand why he couldn't love the children and me. It is because he had never received love as a little boy. I enjoy pouring love into him and filling him up with so much love that it overflows. I love to see the new light in his eyes; I want to love him so that he keeps smiling. I feel that if there were nothing in the world but Jesus and my husband, I could be content. I am so grateful for what the Lord has done in our hearts. Love can be restored and rekindled. I know this, because it has happened to us.